We just dont want to spend alot of money
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GUNNERS IN SHOCK!
Breaking news by Sir Andre Redknapp
Premiership club Arsenal's supporters were left reeling today with the news that they would be losing both their manager Arsene Wenger and star striker Robin Van Persie three weeks before the beginning of the new season.
Pretty boy winger Theo Walcott also stated he would soon be leaving the club but nobody cared.
RIDICULOUS
"Thats ridiculous," said Van Persie outside his Manchester hotel,"I have far too much love and respect for the club and supporters to sign for another English team."The simple fact is that I want trophies and i cant see myself doing that at Arsenal."
Gunners fans were left stunned but supportive:"Hang the traitor!" said one fan,"Throw him in The Thames!" said another."Sell him to Coventry!" roared Fanzine editor Russell MacBeth.
Holloway postman Ian McNarey who has attended every Arsenal match home and away since 1979 said simply,"I wish he'd never been born".
DARK FORCES
Supporters misery was compounded today by news that legendary manager Arsene Wenger would be stepping down as coach with immediate effect.
The flamboyant frenchman had been in charge at Arsenal since 1996 winning 8 major trophies including The Double in his first season but the Arsenal board have finally lost patience with the recent lack of silverware,his outrageous gambling habits and his numerous affairs.
Wenger was gracious in his departing speech,refusing to confirm speculation of "Sinister dark forces" and "Insect Over-Lords" running the club as suggested by un-named former players and staff:Tony Adams,Kenny Sansom,Paul Davis,Bob Wilson,Pat Rice,Dennis Bergkamp and Francis Jeffers.
WENGER:"Marine"
"Its time to move on",declared Wenger in an emotional press conference today,"I have enjoyed many wonderful years at this club and wish it all success in moving forward.
"I would also like to thank the support and patience of the Arsenal board" he said looking pointedly at menacing Russian Oligarch,Stan Gazidkis Usmanov,seated next to him,"and promise that I will never reveal what goes on at this club behind closed doors."
At this Wenger was dragged by the heels kicking and screaming from the conference room."**** You!" he shouted
"i'll be back"
and,"You messed with the wrong marine!"
Usmanov remained impassive,stroking a white cat perched on his lap and fingering a long jagged scar that ran from his eye to his chin. Premiership managers were united in their shock and sadness at the Frenchmans sudden departure.An unemployed former Tottenham manager said outside his local job centre,"I cant believe the news.It's incredible. Are they looking for a new manager?".
"Shocking" said Mark Hughes,"Sad" announced Roberto Mancini. Another manager who had a long history of clashes with the gallic tactician stated that he still cant believe the news.
Sir Alex Ferguson told reporters:"Im shocked to hear this.I still cant believe it." Fergie denounced claims that he didnt see eye to eye with Wenger and leapt to the managers defence "It's very sad" he smiled,pouring himself another Drambuie,"I'll be very sorry to see him go".
Arsenal will be appointing a new manager soon
Thats it for now.As you can see this is a(hopefully)humorous Arsenal story(Gooners:laugh or you'll cry!) but ill be playing the game to win. We made 2 excellent signings so far and maybe more to come. Im gonna wait for new players etc and see if we cash in on rvp then take over the reins. Wish me luck!
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