So, it's 2033, and as ever some pretty crazy stuff has happened over the past 20 years in FM-land. Genoa reaching the Champions League final, England winning 2 World Cups in 3, Ireland winning the Euros. And that was just stuff I wasn't involved in. Myself, I was busy with my ten glorious years at Norwich, three record-breaking if utterly predictable years at PSG, followed by a fairy-tale four seasons at Joinville, Brazil. From Serie C to the Copa Libertadores in just four incredible years.
But I didn't see how I was going to top that (and I couldn't face one more of those ****** state championships), so I decided the time was ripe for a glorious return to Premier League football. And there was the perfect club crying out for a saviour – Liverpool. Bottom. Ten games without a win. The Patrick Bamford reign at a disastrous end. The parallels are too perfect - Norwich were bottom as well when I joined them, and I took them to three FA Cups, three Europas and three League Cups (though the two big prizes eluded me). Sorry Joinville, I'm packing my bags.
Three games in, we're still searching for that win. I'm not too fussed. The squad is a good one, I'll have £30m to spend when the transfer window opens in a month, I know how to get a tune out of FM's morale system, there's no way we're going down.
Until the thought struck me today. Why not? Why not relegate Liverpool?
I don't hate Liverpool, I'm not tribal enough. I even wanted them to win the title in 2014. But the sanctimony and the moaning and the paranoia and that annoying nasal song do get on my wick. If there's any team I would enjoy relegating, it would be them.
I know that Misère Football Manager isn't a new concept. (I remember one guy on here who was going to relegate Man City by underachieving a bit, but not enough to get sacked, year in year out until he managed it.) And unlikely relegations happen all the time in the Funny / Random thread. But for me, this is a unique opportunity. It'll never be more achievable, given that I've come in mid-season with the reputation of a legend and it'll take a lot of bottle for the Liverpool board to fire another manager. So let's do this.
The rules. No blatantly suicidal decisions. No putting midget wingers in goal, no fielding nothing but U18s, no formations consisting of the entire team strung out on each touchline. But everything I can justify narratively or tactically I will do. I will keep faith with my goalie, whom I brought through all those years ago at Norwich, even though he is ****. I will continue to field the hard-working 22-year-old from the academy up front, even though he can't score. I will ostracise the veteran striker, 'cos he's the past, even if he is the only one capable of physically chastising livestock with a bluegrass instrument. No save-scumming, obviously.
So let's do it. They think Liverpool's finally found its Messiah. They've forgotten that according to the Book of Revelations, when the Messiah first appears, he shall actually be the Antichrist. Let's relegate Liverpool.
But I didn't see how I was going to top that (and I couldn't face one more of those ****** state championships), so I decided the time was ripe for a glorious return to Premier League football. And there was the perfect club crying out for a saviour – Liverpool. Bottom. Ten games without a win. The Patrick Bamford reign at a disastrous end. The parallels are too perfect - Norwich were bottom as well when I joined them, and I took them to three FA Cups, three Europas and three League Cups (though the two big prizes eluded me). Sorry Joinville, I'm packing my bags.
Three games in, we're still searching for that win. I'm not too fussed. The squad is a good one, I'll have £30m to spend when the transfer window opens in a month, I know how to get a tune out of FM's morale system, there's no way we're going down.
Until the thought struck me today. Why not? Why not relegate Liverpool?
I don't hate Liverpool, I'm not tribal enough. I even wanted them to win the title in 2014. But the sanctimony and the moaning and the paranoia and that annoying nasal song do get on my wick. If there's any team I would enjoy relegating, it would be them.
I know that Misère Football Manager isn't a new concept. (I remember one guy on here who was going to relegate Man City by underachieving a bit, but not enough to get sacked, year in year out until he managed it.) And unlikely relegations happen all the time in the Funny / Random thread. But for me, this is a unique opportunity. It'll never be more achievable, given that I've come in mid-season with the reputation of a legend and it'll take a lot of bottle for the Liverpool board to fire another manager. So let's do this.
The rules. No blatantly suicidal decisions. No putting midget wingers in goal, no fielding nothing but U18s, no formations consisting of the entire team strung out on each touchline. But everything I can justify narratively or tactically I will do. I will keep faith with my goalie, whom I brought through all those years ago at Norwich, even though he is ****. I will continue to field the hard-working 22-year-old from the academy up front, even though he can't score. I will ostracise the veteran striker, 'cos he's the past, even if he is the only one capable of physically chastising livestock with a bluegrass instrument. No save-scumming, obviously.
So let's do it. They think Liverpool's finally found its Messiah. They've forgotten that according to the Book of Revelations, when the Messiah first appears, he shall actually be the Antichrist. Let's relegate Liverpool.